Hey guys, I am a fairly long time lurker but I have never really posted anything other than a few comments here and there, I usually post in /v/ and /mu/ but never with a trip or anything.
I think its time I finally confront my fears and superstitions, I am a pretty open guy with the paranormal respecting beliefs and people who try to disprove said beliefs. All I want is some help and maybe some answers.
I started lurking here a few years back after /v/ basically turned into /b/.2 and I have always been interested in the paranormal because I think (key word there) I might be haunted or something. Ever since I was a young kid, I always felt paranoid and scared. Like, first I just thought I was a pussy but recently I started putting things together. I have ALWAYS had a strong fear of failing or disappointing people, I know it sounds strange and not paranormal but hear me out.
Anyway, back to my fears and stuff.
Every Time a situation comes up involving work or a challenge, I always feel this sensation of people watching me, even if I am on my own, let me use my school life as an example.
Lets say a teacher sets some work, its an important assignment that counts towards your final grade, I have the brains to do it, the time and I want and am aware that I need to do it. Yet when I get home or wherever, I feel it. Sometimes I get extremely cold (I am freezing right now, the heatings on yet I am in a hoodie and coat) and I just dont do it. The best way I can explain it is I know deep down that I HAVE to do a piece of work, yet it feels far away, and something pulls me back when I try and do it. Sometimes I would just lay on my bed doing nothing, as long as it meant not doing the work.
This happened frequently, it may seem like a small thing but it happened with everything, its happening now, I feel like I should just stop posting, I know I have to keep going and I WANT to keep going but something in my head is almost forcing me to stop. That's one part of why I think it might be paranormal.
The other dream usually happens directly after another nightmare of sorts, I wake up in my bed in a cold sweat, sometimes I can't move like I am in sleep paralysis but.. more paralysed (sorry no way to explain the sensation) and all that fills my mind is that I have to break free from it. Eventually I do and then I head out of my room and into the bathroom, I splash my face with water to wake me up and to stop me from freaking out and then I look in the mirror, now usually in lucid dreams or nightmares looking in the mirror shows a distorted image or something but this is the ONLY dream where looking in the mirror is fine, and in dream it reinforces that I am awake. Then I head out and notice my sisters room is open and nobody is in there, this is strange for two reasons.
1. Even after my sister left home (she is a few years older than me) I still in the dream notice she has gone and panis about her being missing 2. The room is positioned perfectly so I see something is not right, the bed is huge and facing the door for instance, and right in my line of vision from the bathroom.
Now in a panic, I run into my parents room and shout to wake them up, my parents do not awake, eventually I shake them repeatedly until they both awake and stare at me, I explain the situation and one of them says something like "What good could you do anyway? Its not like you could do anything even if you knew where she was" or something along those lines and over taunts like "why even bother?" or "even if we told you where she was, what good would it do her?" sometimes they get out of bed and laugh or go back to sleep for me to wake them again, sometimes they sneer at me and sometimes they just tell me how much of a failure I am. I often break down in dream at this point, and two things happen. A) I wake up B) The first dream happens, the room falls apart and I fall into nothing or another dream
Sometimes (now I personally want to believe this is a figment of my imagination, I don't believe it is anything paranormal but lets see what you guys think) I will see hundreds of dark shapes fly out of my bedroom walls away, like when I open my eyes everything is "looking" (nothing has a distinguishable face) and then they all fly off when I awake. Note that its the dark and it might just be my brain tricking me, and I have JUST woken up from a nightmare. Could be anything, one things for sure that it is VERY real looking, its not your average shapes and movements in the dark its very much like something was there in front of me, its one of the most jarring experiences I have.
A lot of these dreams vary in their "realness" sometimes it feels like a dream, sometimes a lucid dream and sometimes its real. Like Lucid dreams seem real but you can normally tell when your dreaming because things seem off, but some of these dreams actually seem like I am actually doing these things and thoughts, rather than my mind playing them out. Its strange.
Other dreams include getting into fights at random places with friends and people. Anyone who has ever tried to have a fight in a dream knows its next to impossible. Your punches feel like water and sometimes a force stops you from hitting someone, I watch a lot of game grumps, and in one episode they talk about fighting in dreams and one of them mentions that punching is impossible in dreams, but you can "judo throw" people, I took note of this but before I knew about it, I would simply flail around falling to hurt my opponent, and they would usually taunt and jeer me to the point of me breaking down again, now this dream is a relatively new experience, so this might not be so accurate but I was actually able to throw someone in a dream, and they died instantly, I cant remember who it was but there mother and friends where there.
Obviously, they are pretty distraught at the fact that I just killed their son and friend. Then they all turn at me, call me a disgusting human being, telling me I am to good for my own good. I once again broke down but (the one time this happened) I was able to wake up freely and without seeing anything, it was as though I had just woken up, I felt victorious in my dream, I had defeated what ever was against me.
Some other dreams that happen are less frequent and less vivid, sometimes I just fail something in college, sometimes a friend is disappointed in me for whatever and sometimes I randomly fall out of normal dreams as if I was pulled out. Its not as frequent as it used to be but it got to a point during school when I got very stressed that it was happening multiple times a week.
I am gonn atake a break guys, its getting really cold in my room and I need some air, I will be back in a bit where I will speak baout my opinions on the paranormal and some experiences with "ghosts" and such (not that I am a full believer in spirits and such, this is why I would appreciate some of your guys insights).
I might as well start with the most obvious ghost encounter, im not gonna try and make this scary or spooky anything, im gonna tell it how it is.
I was about 8 or 9 at the time, I was in my living room and nobody else was downstairs other than me, I opened my kitchen door (Looking back, i'm not sure why it was closed or why the lights where off but whatever) and when I walk in, bam. There is a white figure floating above the table. Just like that, I only got a glimpse of it because I ran upstairs screaming and cried into my moms arms for the rest of the evening, I can't explain what it looked like but I remember the event pretty well, even though I only saw it for a second or so, it was definitely female and she seemed to be wearing some sort of posh dress or something, she was floating about a metre above the table. Thats all I can remember, I want to think it was a trick of the light but all I know is that it was the strongest paranormal event that has ever happened to me. Other things I can say they were tricks of the mind but this was so raw and real. Like I said I am not trying to make this a spooky thread, but keep in mind that this was the most fear I have ever felt. Throughout the next few days I stayed pretty clear from the kitchen unless I had too, I also changed where I usually sat on the table, so I could see what happened everywhere in the kitchen (my logic was that nothing could escape my line of vision), the kitchen was always cold but now it was borderline freezing, at one point my family thought there was something wrong with me due to how much I was shaking.
This is the first time I have ever let this all out /x/, I dont think anyone is reading but if you are, thank you. It means a lot to me.